Monday, January 28, 2013

SAG Awards 2013


So, as a warning...I don't have a lot of good things to say about this collection of dresses.  I don't usually have all negative reviews in my fashion critiques but honesty is the best policy. They talk about a totally disappointing herd of dresses...  Here we go:

Jennifer Lawrence, Christian Dior Haute Couture

This was all around disappointing. First of all, she completely loses her phenomenal hourglass shape in this does-nothing-for-her-figure selection. The color is drab, the cut is nothing special OR memorable, she had that awkward dress malfunction in the middle of the night when the lower half started to fall down her legs, and it's made out of that damn annoying prom dress fabric!  Thick, shiny, bulky, stiff. This shade of blue is passive, and her complexion against it loses life.  Forgettable.

What the hell is this contraption?  Awkward colorblocking application.  Horrendous choice in shoes.  Weird jersey-knit top that does not match the skirt's theming.  It reminds me of some kind of cleaning activity.  The location where the waist hits is just off.  Confusing, and also forgettable.

Zac Posen

Another completely forgettable dress!  Seriously, did these actresses all pick their gowns with the idea in mind "its the SAG awards - we want to be taken seriously and not appreciated for good fashion whatsoever.  Better go with the mediocre at best pick."  Did they not want to be taken seriously for their fashion at this awards show or something?  There is SO much mediocrity on the red carpet this time around. Back to this dress....again, like her last dress at the Golden Globes: it does not fit well.  It needs to be tighter and she needs to stand up straight, with some presence. In order to pull off a drab color, you need to BRING IT.  You need bring WOW in some other way.  With her pale complexion, slumping (a chronic isssue with her), boring presence all-througout...the only saving grace here is the nice draping on the bottom half within the skirt.  Who is going to remember this dress in a year.  Nobody. Ps, look how much better it looks on the model:

Yea. And the necklace.  Really?  Who picked that final touch out?  Smh.

January Jones, Prabal Gurung

What in the pompadour mullet hell is going on with this look? The end product of this entire look from hair to gown was shit. This is actually kind of offensive.  Doesn't she just look like she's pissed off, or sulky?  Her agressive hair and overdone makeup is reminding me of cruella deville or the piss-attitude of Anna Wintor's character in The Devil Meets Prada.  January Jones is one of those actresses that constantly irritates me like Leah Michele.  She always seems so smug, or holier than though.  And again, the location where the waist hits and where the two color blocks meet is too high and awkward.  The hair in combination with this serious dress makes her look too hard.  As in hard-faced. 

 Oscar de la Renta

This was thankfully a bright spot in the sea of disappointment  but even this isn't THAT great.  She looks pretty.  The dress is glamorous and maybe it wasn't photographing as well as it appeared in real life, but the shade of gold seems to be falling flat.  I am happy to see her dressed up again though.  I saw just yesterday how she went out with wet hair, square glasses, baggy capri cut jeans, and a huge mens' cardigan.  

Anne Hathaway,  Giambattista Valli Haute Couture 

Frumpy.  The length is awkward which also happens to highlight/reveal the poor choice in those clunky shoes.  This bevy of actresses need some god damn spray tans!!!  Also, I am OVER the see-thru minidress/full length gown.  Short underneath with a sheer long layer over.  It never works.  The neckline above her breasts is lopsided; the whole thing is a let down.  She looks like a little girl dressed up.

Sophia Vargas in Donna Karen

Ugh this was terrible.  What the hell is going on with the neckline???  It's reminiscent of an arm sling.  The slit hits at such a makes-no-sense and not-flattering height.  The side strap falling down her arm is super annoying.  I want to chop both straps off and make this a EVERY other gown she wears yet an improvement nonetheless.  Worst dressed nominee.  This is haphazard and sloppy.  Not a fan of the shiny fabric, either.  It's like a wedding dress mid-design, first-fitting and she went on a bathroom break.  Stiches all over, fabric hanging all over the damn place.  

I have no idea who this is, but imagine cutting that side hip thing off.  If that part was gone, this dress would be very pretty.  I just had to include this picture in there to add something somewhat pretty to the array of lame dresses.  I like the graceful shade of seafoam, the lace detail and the invisible neckline, as if the lace florals are climbing up her décolletage + the nude mesh.  Just chop that folded segment/partition off her hip, please.

Kerry Washington, Rodarte 

This is very similar to the white body cast that Anne Hathaway wore last week to the Golden Globes.  Rigid bodice, white gown...except this one is a little better.  I feel like the silver studding throughout the bodice does not go with the delicate lacework towards the bottom hemline of the gown...and was another...yes, awkward touch.  Random design of this dress, additionally.


This is offensive, also.  She looks tired as hell.  This looks like a bad design out of the 90's.  A boring black long dress with a heinous flare added to it plus a batwing. The fit is lifeless.  The batwing is terrible.  And the kicker...LOL...that DAMN geometrical black and white print stripe along the slit is so ugly.  Her hair looks messy and that dark lipstick is.....UGH.  The orange eyeshadow, too!  I'm so disappointed by the herd of terrible dresses at this awards show!  This deserves an F bomb.  What the fuck happened with this fucking eyesore.

Leah Michelle in Valentino 

True to form.....Leah Michelle is annoying me again.  First of all: the hemline.  It might have been an added detail of this dress that was part of the design, but it photographed as if they took the dress up at the last minute and gave it a bad stitch job.  The skirt is also mis-shaped and billows out at the bottom in an unflattering way. It's a pepto bismo pink strapless prom dress and her bangs are unsightly.  Worst dressed nominee.  Not only is it nothing special, but it's a juxtaposition-ing her look in general.  Ugh.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome descriptors and hilarious commentary!!