Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Facebook Etiquette

1.   Don't tag people in random pictures of inanimate objects that you think they might like, or have something to do with the inside joke you're trying to half-reveal to friends on facebook.  Nobody gets it, because most of the time you're trying to remain elusive and act Mr. or Ms. Coolpants by leaving everyone to wonder about it.  Not to mention, the person being tagged might find it annoying - I know I become irritated when tagged in pictures of a hotel I once went to, my favorite dish at a restaurant, or some obscure street art that has the word "viva" in it.  Post it on the person's wall instead so you can share it with them.

2.    When you post a status update, picture – or anything for that matter, realize that it is then up for commentary.  Some peoples’ opinions may not agree with yours.  For example, I realize that some people reading this post might not agree with my opinions on Facebook etiquette.  But, you know what....everyone is entitled to their own opinions.  Let me remind you that you're POSTING ON A PUBLIC FORUM.  If you’re not game for commentary, DON’T POST IT.  

3.    Avoid making ambiguous, passive aggressive status updates that are obviously directed towards one person in particular, yet avoid any mention of this person directly by name because, well - that would be "dramatic".  In actuality, your immature behavior is most likely annoying 85% of the people who read your status. Publicly spewing your dirty laundry in a way that YOU think is subtle, is something that nobody wants to be bothered with.  It's not subtle.  It's irritating.  If you simply MUST write a confrontational status update towards someone in particular (which I don't recommend), grow a pair and call them out directly.  Otherwise, stop bitching on Facebook and deal with your issue with this person privately, in a respectful and productive manner...AKA the right way to handle it.

4.    Please use proper grammar.  Of course, everyone (myself included) makes typos & mistakes.  Regular misuse of grammar does not reveal you in your best light, and makes it difficult for people to take you seriously. Yes, even if it's "just Facebook". You never know how your contacts may be of use to you someday. Mistakes are ok - we all do it.  But please don't craft some gAArbaGe kRaP liK dis on a regular basis. If so, I will defriend you.

5.    Don't post embarrassing and unflattering photos of your friends, claiming "Well, if you don't want those pictures showing up on facebook, stop acting that way."  NO.  NEWSFLASH! You are not the end-all-be-all decider of what people should and shouldn't be doing. To then publicize these photos, knowing that the person in question will not appreciate this is a total breach of trust!  Having a camera does not give you rights.  It gives you opportunities.  If you really are concerned with their actions - talk to them in private.  Have some respect.  We all know you're doing it to be dramatic.  As a matter of fact, don't even post pictures of your friends until you've given them a heads up and DEFINITELY do not tag them until your friends have had a chance to preview the pics.

6.    Do you really have to say "Good Morning Facebook!!!" and "Nighty night my Facebookers!" every. single. day?  Recall that Coco Chanel quote: "Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory. Less is always more".  This applies to Facebook as well.   A good rule of thumb here – eliminate one out of every three status updates you're tempted to post online.  And, more than three per day says "facebook obsessed". Less is more.  Nobody cares about the vapid, mundane details of your every day life.

7.    If you send me a request in Farm ville, you will be deleted as a friend.  Same goes for Mobwars, and pretty much every other Zynga game.

8.    Facebook names like "Sharon Cantstopmeevaindislife Smith" and "Tyrone HustlatillIdie Goldman" are stupid as hell.  Please don't create run-on sentences/middle names in an attempt to sum up what you stand for in life by making up some grammatically disastrous phrase/word as your middle name.  Its DUMB.

9.    Lets try and limit the mobile uploads of our pets/babies to one a week.  Two if you absolutely MUST.

10. Don't allow your negative posts to exceed 5% of your overall collection.  Even if I'm in a horrible mood, the last thing I want to do is throw myself a pity party for all 800 of my facebook friends to see and roll their eyes at.  It obstructs my cause.

11.  Don't add me to your random, creepy groups without even sending me a personal message about it.

12.  If someone denies your friend request - for the love of God, let it end there.

13.  Try not to frequently post pictures that are undoubtedly aimed to make other people jealous - i.e. pictures of your baller lifestyle, pictures of your bottle service tables & Grey Goose Magnums over and over again, repetitive self portraits of your "new bathing suit - should I keep it?" just so you can show off your hot bod.  It doesn't make people admire you and what you're doing.  It makes us think you're insecure, attention-starved and also makes us resentful towards you for making us depressed about our own less baller lifestyles.  Nobody likes a regular show off.  However --- there is absolutely no harm in posting something about a personal achievement, some pounds lost, muscle gained or a new possession you've recently bought and especially love. It's the repetitive braggarts that I'm targeting here.

14. Don't stalk someone on Facebook and then pretend like you don't know them or can't even say hi in real life.  Believe me, they often know you're stalking, so you might as well take a forward, confident & humorous approach about it.

15. Personally, I don't understand why people add/request other people they do not know on Facebook.  I realize that a lot of people use Facebook for marketing/networking purposes.  That being said, I think most of this random requesting going on is stalking-related.  If you have a brand to market, create a page.  Use Linkedin.  I will not accept unless I've met this person in real life at least one time.

Thats all from Facebook Rant-Land for now! - Viva


  1. Yes, totally agreed! As an add-on to this list, chicks who pathetically talk about ex's, how much they long for love, or go into detail about issues in their relationships. One of my "friends" constantly posts love songs, openly mourns about a several year old break-up, and posts status updates so lame and needy that it makes women look bad. Actual posts are along the lines of "I'm alone and feel like cuddling tonight, anyone want to come over?"; "Does anyone have a spare car I can borrow?"; "I'm drinking to forget". Ladies - please, please have some dignity.

  2. Why did you take down the post about smart phones???

  3. Where'd you go? Haven't seen you post here or on Lamas-Richie in forever!