1. Don't tag people in random
pictures of inanimate objects that you think they might like, or have something
to do with the inside joke you're trying to half-reveal to friends on facebook.
Nobody gets it, because most of the time you're trying to remain elusive
and act Mr. or Ms. Coolpants by leaving everyone to wonder about it. Not to
mention, the person being tagged might find it annoying - I know I become irritated when tagged in pictures of a hotel I once went to, my favorite dish at a
restaurant, or some obscure street art that has
the word "viva" in it. Post it on the person's wall instead so
you can share it with them.
2.
When you post a status
update, picture – or anything for that matter, realize that it is then up for commentary.
Some peoples’ opinions may not agree with yours. For example, I realize that some people reading this post might not agree with my opinions on Facebook etiquette. But, you know what....everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Let me remind you that you're POSTING ON A PUBLIC FORUM. If you’re not game for
commentary, DON’T POST IT.
3.
Avoid making ambiguous,
passive aggressive status updates that are obviously directed towards one
person in particular, yet avoid any mention of this person directly by name
because, well - that would be "dramatic". In actuality, your immature behavior is most likely annoying 85% of the people who read your status. Publicly
spewing your dirty laundry in a way that YOU think is subtle, is something that nobody wants to be bothered with. It's not
subtle. It's irritating. If
you simply MUST write a confrontational status update towards someone in
particular (which I don't recommend), grow a pair and call them out
directly. Otherwise, stop bitching on Facebook and deal with your issue
with this person privately, in a respectful and productive manner...AKA the
right way to handle it.
4.
Please use
proper grammar. Of course, everyone (myself included) makes typos &
mistakes. Regular misuse of grammar does not reveal you in your best
light, and makes it difficult for people to take you seriously. Yes, even if
it's "just Facebook". You never know how your contacts may be of use
to you someday. Mistakes are ok - we all
do it. But please don't craft some gAArbaGe kRaP liK dis
on a regular basis. If so, I will defriend you.
5.
Don't post embarrassing and
unflattering photos of your friends, claiming "Well, if you don't want
those pictures showing up on facebook, stop acting that way." NO. NEWSFLASH! You are not the end-all-be-all decider of what people should and shouldn't be
doing. To then publicize these photos, knowing that the person in question will
not appreciate this is a total breach of trust! Having a camera does not give you rights. It gives you opportunities. If you really are concerned with their actions -
talk to them in private. Have some respect. We all know you're
doing it to be dramatic. As a matter of fact, don't even post pictures of your
friends until you've given them a heads up and DEFINITELY do not tag them until
your friends have had a chance to preview the pics.
6.
Do you really have to say
"Good Morning Facebook!!!" and "Nighty night my
Facebookers!" every. single. day? Recall that Coco Chanel
quote: "Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.
Less is always more". This applies to Facebook as well. A good rule
of thumb here – eliminate one out of every three status updates you're tempted
to post online. And, more than three per day says "facebook
obsessed". Less is more. Nobody cares about the vapid, mundane details of
your every day life.
7.
If you
send me a request in Farm ville, you will be deleted as a friend. Same
goes for Mobwars, and pretty much every other Zynga game.
8.
Facebook
names like "Sharon Cantstopmeevaindislife Smith" and
"Tyrone HustlatillIdie Goldman" are stupid as hell. Please
don't create run-on sentences/middle names in an attempt to sum up what you
stand for in life by making up some grammatically disastrous phrase/word as your middle name. Its DUMB.
9.
Lets try
and limit the mobile uploads of our pets/babies to one a week. Two if you
absolutely MUST.
10.
Don't
allow your negative posts to exceed 5% of your overall collection. Even
if I'm in a horrible mood, the last thing I want to do is throw myself a pity
party for all 800 of my facebook friends to see and roll their eyes at. It obstructs my cause.
11.
Don't
add me to your random, creepy groups without even sending me a personal message
about it.
12. If
someone denies your friend request - for the love of God, let it end there.
13. Try not to
frequently post pictures that are undoubtedly aimed to make other people
jealous - i.e. pictures of your baller lifestyle, pictures of your bottle
service tables & Grey Goose Magnums over and over again, repetitive self portraits of your "new
bathing suit - should I keep it?" just so you can show off your hot bod. It
doesn't make people admire you and what you're doing. It makes us think you're insecure,
attention-starved and also makes us resentful towards you for making us
depressed about our own less baller lifestyles. Nobody likes a regular
show off. However --- there is absolutely no harm in posting something about a personal
achievement, some pounds lost, muscle gained or a new possession you've recently bought and
especially love. It's the repetitive braggarts that I'm targeting here.
14.
Don't
stalk someone on Facebook and then pretend like you don't know them or can't
even say hi in real life. Believe me, they often know you're stalking, so you
might as well take a forward, confident & humorous approach about it.
15.
Personally,
I don't understand why people add/request other people they do not know on
Facebook. I realize that a lot of people use Facebook for
marketing/networking purposes. That being said, I think most of this
random requesting going on is stalking-related. If you have a brand to market,
create a page. Use Linkedin. I will not accept unless I've met this
person in real life at least one time.
Thats all from Facebook Rant-Land for now! - Viva
